PROLOGUE
Maidei was her name.
And still is her name because I almost choke from her
pungent existence around me despite her body lying in nature’s own decay. I
still hold on that it is still her name because my spirit is holding on to her
relentlessly and will not let her go. The grip of my spirit resembles the iron
fist that of a gladiator readying himself for his last chance to fight for his
life. Yes, physically to others, mother, you are no more but to me your
daughter I refuse to just write you off from this world that easily.
I want you here… Why are you not here? Did this world
finally stifle the hopelessness too that you had in life? A hopelessness you
were so sly to hide from prying eyes. Even if other pairs of eyes where
ignorant to it mine were privy to it all. That robust flame that once used to
light up your face and my world…put out …leaving in its place eyes so vacant I
could drown in their hollowness. Mama… come back! I want to tap off the
livelihood that once lit up your face. To dance in the flicker of emotions that
transcended like a kaleidoscope of beautiful emotions…from joy…to
mischief…awe...to wonder…admiration and to hope.
I am coming out in the open about my addiction today
after my whole life of using… my drug of choice being the fire in your eyes. I am
afraid that the withdrawal symptoms will devour me to irretrievable shreds when
I do not get my next fix. Those
symptoms will leave me bleeding to my death in the hope that I join you and
award me the reunion I so crave to my core. I know that I have already lost a
battle unfought. That my defeat is inevitable. I will not labor to put up a
fight because the outcome will be the same. Shameful defeat…
So many questions left unanswered…will her ghost
answer them and give me the peace I so deserve? The long relentless pursuit
ceases here in this narrow bed of a grave and I cannot help but feel cheated of
my right to know why she left us and never looked back. Leaving behind girl
children without a mothers touch …girl children now shells of women …and worse
still in their emptiness their last skeleton of hope has been diminished into nothing. They shall
never know the truth.
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